(This post is my reply to a churchmate's mail to our e-groups. He shared how he was moved to buy an old lady a 1 piece chicken McDo meal at 3 in the morning. Hope to just share something from the heart. Naks.)

Wow, muntik na kong maiyak dito. Seriously.

Praise God for how he used you, Maeng. Praise God for your heart.

Oftentimes I see people in the same situation, of the same status - sa streets, sa TV (Lalo na sa TV. And ofcors grabe ang treatment ng ilang mga programs - may kurot sa puso, sometimes with the overt use of appeal to emotion just to sell the story). I cant help but ask, ano bang pwedeng gawin at ginagawa ng gobyerno about them?  Wala bang sistema ang DSWD na mag-iikot sila sa kung saan man once or twice a week to look for street people, so they could bring them to a place or institution where they need to be? Nakakaawa naman talaga sila e.

(reflection mode)
Pero di lang dapat natatapos sa awa di ba? Wala namang epekto ang awa kung walang kasamang gawa. And why fully rely on what the government can do (then whine if they're not doing anything about it)  when we, ourselves, can actually do something about these things? (Hmm, we can actually apply this line of thinking to other things.) In our own little ways, we can help someone have a full stomach even if its just for a few hours. All we need to have is some convincing.

And who can convince us better than Jesus? He said...

(Matthew 25:35-40) For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' "Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'



There we have it. Enough said.

So the next time we hesitate to give away a little piece of sandwich to someone who has not had a decent meal in... weeks, months... let's think again. It makes sense that God blesses us with more than what we need, because He knows that as His children, He can give us a nudge to act beyond ourselves.

This is just me sharing my thoughts. Kinakausap ko rin po ang sarili ko while I was writing this down. Hehe. Ang galing how God has spoken to me through Maeng's praise item. Moments like these are always sweet, and I'm glad I got to share it with you. Salamat sa libreng wifi. Hehe.

its 11:10 in the evening, and im still here in the office. a psycho adobe premiere keeps me and our editor hostage. rendering a 2-hour video did not seem forever a few hours back. but now that premiere decides to take on the "i have a problem that you can't fix" attitude, we have no choice but to be hopeful that after-effects would save us and keep us sane. at least until our deadline.

i remember being almost in the same situation last year, when i had to stay in late also for work. only the culprit then was microsoft excel. yeah, a passive yet tricky excel almost took its toll on me. it was my mistake though. i thought i covered everything for the day, only to find out later that night i missed out on something. desperate for freedom and rest (and john's companion too, actually), i cried, amidst people i've known only for a few days then.

now im thinking, "maiiyak kaya ako pag di pa to gumana?" we're on to our 6th or 7th try to render just the last part of the video, as i "speak." our fingers crossed that after-effects would grant us the freedom we need.

pero kung anuman, di na ko maiiyak (siguro). i've learned to be calm, to compose myself and say, "ganun talaga." wala namang choice but to take it all in, and finish it.

i've actually learned to apply this perspective to life as a whole (naks). and looking back, i feel i've grown partly because of it.

(to be continued)

If you don't have anything better to do this Friday night, come and join us. No entrance fee, may free food pa! See you there!!! 

And because im too lazy to copy-paste the pictures, just click on the buried man below to view the other pics:



I must say it was the most relaxing beach outing i've had. Maybe because we did nothing but eat, swim, eat some more, sleep, swim, bury john, poker for the guys and some more sleep for me, videoke, grill food, eat, snorkle (though i was toooo scared and panicky to stay in the water, not even for 15mins), have the guys make a merdog (mermaid dog) out of me, then eat again... And maybe because it was ultimately time spent with good friends (aaawww).

The "reality bites" phase is totally over. I'm on to the next one - the "never say die" phase.

I was about to give up on what I've worked hard for the past eight years (8 freaking years, wow). I was ready to walk away and admit to myself that I'm a loser. I just can't seem to win this looong, overdue battle. So I thougt, maybe it's time to accept defeat. But just recently, I finally came to my senses and understood what it entails to have the "I've gone this far, I ain't giving up" attitude. Believe me, you won't reach that point unless you remind yourself that there are greater things out there that you need to overcome, so much more potential that you want to explore. 

So I ain't giving up, unless they put a hand to my face and say, "No, this is it for you." There's still a chance. It'll be a total waste (need I say foolish) to ignore that chance just because it's more convenient, as always, to run away. I guess I've had enough to give it the fight that it deserves. No more giving in to lies and inconsistencies.

My battle cry: NEVER SAY DIE!

Eto pa po...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Small Office Table

Height: 760mm 

Depth: 470mm 

Width: 900mm 

Thickness: 15mm

- decent gray color

- with two (2) drawers

Our office is selling the following items, all second-hand:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PC Table 

•- P1,000 only 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Big Office Table

 

Height: 760mm

Depth: 600mm

Width: 1210mm

Thickness: Top: 18mm; Body: 15mm 

•- decent gray color

•- with four (4) drawers

•- P1,500 only

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Small Office Table

 

Height: 760mm

Depth: 470mm

Width: 90mm

Thickness: 15mm

- decent gray color

•- with two (2) drawers

•- P800 only

 

 

Post a reply if you're interested.  

a wet handkerchief. 

 

"well, of course you assume that you love her already, then you get beyond that, and you look around and see if there's something there that you like. and you see the memories, the effort and time invested, and its not even that. you realize you cant give THIS to anyone else. nobody else deserves it. you dont want to give it to anyone else... you'd rather hurt than give it to someone else."

 

 

 

thank you for staying, and for not letting me go.

My multiply header holds true nowadays. Reality indeed bites. It doesn't just bite actually. It devours. Yeah, sometimes it consumes you in bits and pieces. But more often, you won't notice. You won't feel anything. Until it hits you right smack in the face that a part of you has already gone down the monster's belly.

On another note, I realized that wallowing is pointless, damaging, paralyzing at times, even stupid, and crazy. It drives you nuts to the point that you're out of your senses. So what do you do aside from the obvious answer not to wallow? You push yourself to drop whatever it is that's holding you back, even dismiss some things if need be; do the step-together maneuver just to be able to move on; and give your freaking best even if it makes you sweat blood. Just get through with it. Oh, and did I mention you have to stop beating the crap out of yourself? Coz you have to admit it - you screwed up, it happened the way it happened, but it's done. On to the next battle. *BIGSMILEhere*

obviously, haven't blogged for a while now. id like to share a lot of things here, but i cant seem to find the time to write. that should be a good thing, right? work - thesis (hay, yes, again and again and im still procrastinating... bang my head on the wall!) - work - thesis - church... there.

but if ever you ask how i've REALLY been, allow me to borrow a couple of lines from maria mena:

except for a few small bruises
cuts
and scars
well, im fine

and from john mayer:

im not together
but im getting there...
im in repair

hahaha! ayus ba? dont worry, this is not another emo entry. enough of that already. this is actually me celebrating (and bragging maybe) that im doing fine now. some things may still be hanging for me (like thesis, definitely), but im in a much better state now. its grace. and  because im surrounded by friends who keep me sane. naks. hahaha. but seriously, you know who you are, and i say thank you. *blush* hahaha. tissue nga dyan!

to buy a dress.

 

seriously.

 

sorry for my vanity. pero sige na, give me an excuse. hahahaha! id like to buy this black dress i saw in kashieca but i dont have any idea when and where id wear it. that only means i wont need it anytime soon, so it'll be quite impulsive for me to spend 1k plus on a dress. di ba?!

 

will it be too much to wear a black dress when we go to Enchanted Kingdom for our company chistmas party?   

OR sa church christmas party?!

OR on christmas day mismo.

OR pag nag-out-of-town during the break.

 

ayus.

 

to my girl friends, give me an excuse. major vanity concern. haha.

im into OPM for the last two days now. ive been indulging in sinosikat (cant resist kat's sensual voice which makes ordinary words orgasmic, hehe.), julianne, and imago. next in the list are sugarfree, itchyworms, and the kami napo muna at ulit albums. still waiting for urbandub's music to grow on me.

thanks to john and his gracious heart, i can now drown myself in music without worrying about my player's batt life. why you ask? because he gave me an mp3 player upgrade as an early christmas present. from my little orange tomagochi player bought last christmas from cdr king, i now have... (jenen!) an ipod video!!! yey!!! second hand naman po. and i still maintain that i dont deserve it. but im grateful.

and ofcors, to maximize the use of the kaligaypod, i shall not only indulge in music but also in videos. naman, hehe. and maximizing means extending my knowledge of existing tv series. thanks to ate ida, its all possible, because of her newly discovered series entitled "samantha who?" which stars christina applegate. i was able to copy the 1st episode palang, but i tell you, its fun!!! sobrang nakakatawa! cant wait to snatch the next episodes.

 

 

down to the more essential stuff...

 

i still have my thesis (blech).

 

im working part-time in pitik-bulag, and im loving it. naks! take note boss charis and boss anne. hahaha!

 

 

dec 1 passed by. im still not wearing any ring on my finger.                      not yet. 

     

 

 

 

a friend told me once, he's concerned about what im doing to myself. i understand just now what he meant by those words.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i n e e d t o g o b a c k s o o n 

12 days to go before Christmas. wow. bilis talaga ng araw.

it was only a few weeks ago when i listed down names of my inaanak(s). oh, i was in starbucks abs-cbn then, same day na nagkagulo sa manila penn. i realized there's no excuse not to give these cute and adorable kids any gift this Christmas. medyo mahirap nga lang na mag-decide na only the inaanaks should receive gifts kasi most of them are church kids. delikado pag nakita ng ibang kids na wala silang gift from their gorgeous tita kali (and huggable tito john, hehe). baka magtampo. we sweat (and bleed sometimes) just to get a kiss from these kids every sunday. hehe.

if its unnegotiable for the kids, its otherwise for our friends (is this an announcement or is this an announcement? hehe). well, im not sure with john, but in my case, i really dont have enough moolah to spend on buying gifts. besides, im not that confident to give away stuff which friends might not like, or which they can purchase on their own, baka mas maganda pa. hehe. but im definitely certain that id like to spend TIME with these friends the next 12 days. im naming it 12 DAYS OF CHISTMAS DATES. hehe, sounds family. well, it wont be limited to 12 persons. it can be a group date. first option would be over coffee. hay, im becoming more and more in love with sweets this season - pastries specifically. it would be fun to go around the metro to visit coffee and dessert shops ive never been to - sonja's, bizu... (where else would u recommend?). but i guess sure on the list would be chocolat, krispy kreme, bread talk, and (jenen!) starbucks! hahahaha! di ba? why spend money when u can spend time (and money. hehe. doble pa nga since its a date. hahaha. nice logic kaligay.)

il text u. =)

badtrip kung cancelled and beatles' night tomorrow. let me just indulge in my beatles' song of the moment:

Here I stand head in hand
Turn my face to the wall
If she's gone I can't go on
Feelin' two-foot small

Everywhere people stare
Each and every day
I can see them laugh at me
And I hear them say

Hey you've got to hide your love away
Hey you've got to hide your love away

How can I even try
I can never win
Hearing them, seeing them
In the state I'm in

How could she say to me
Love will find a way
Gather round all you clowns
Let me hear you say

Hey you've got to hide your love away
Hey you've got to hide your love away

 

john and i were talking one time about how we imagine ourselves as members of a known band. he said his ultimate dream is to be one of the guitarists of jars of clay, but to play with lifehouse would be great too. i remember saying i'd like to be a bassist of a band, maybe incubus. but the ultimate dream for me is switchfoot. and i remember that while watching MYX's coverage of their concert here in manila.

a month and a half after immersing myself in their music, and after being drugged in their concert, i still feel the same towards switchfoot's music. their songs never left my mp3 player. i listened carefully to the melodies and researched the lyrics of those im not familiar with 2 days before the concert. 2 weeks later, i was still listening to them, at least to 3 of their albums. amd i didn't take them out of my playlist until i felt i needed to move on, because there are just too much memories in their songs. (oops, emo there. moving on...) but i still haven't listened to the other 3 of their albums, and that's half of their life as a band. sad that my player broke down again, and i think it would take a while before i'd be able to drown myself again in music - and by drown i mean just me and the music, not minding who or what is around me. you music freaks get that, right? so i just take all my chances to get my regular dosage of music when im home with the laptop i borrowed, or when MYX is on ch23. and because of that, i now agree that an ipod is a must.

i actually told john (just yesterday) that im ready to finally move on from switchfoot, to U2 and lifehouse. i felt the urge to listen to U2 again after watching their elevation concert in boston for the 2nd time. i cried while watching bono sing "with or without you" to a girl. and "walk on" is also my song now. (yeah, emo there again. this is supposed to be a happy post right? moving on...) and then i saw the music video of "first time" by lifehouse. the video's actually nice, if you like red and white, and i like the words to the song, hence the decision to give them my attention. hehe. yabang.

but watching switchfoot on TV today just made me remember my love for the band. naks, nostalgic fan. hahaha. they are still my first love. hehehe. how can they not be? they sing the story of my life. haha.

i wont forget what john, the vocalist, said in the interview - that their music is for the thinking people. they intentionally write songs that tell stories, that make people think about the different aspects of life, and life as a whole here in the planet. that's almost verbatim. hahaha. and thats so true! how can you not think when you listen to switchfoot?! their songs are like sunday preachings sung in good tunes, in an alternative pop-rock attitude. hehehe. i wont miss church if they're the worship team. hala, idolatry! hahahaha! burn, baby, burn!

but seriously, the brilliance of this band just somes out naturally through their songs. id like to believe na pinag-isipan nila ng maigi yung mga lyrics. pero parang hindi rin. parang no effort at all. everything just makes sense lyrically and poetically. they know full well what they want to sing about. and they are consistent with the themes of the songs. if its feel-good or thought-provoking, then its one or the other all the time. im just not sure about the songs i haven't listened to yet (and that negates my previous statement. haha!). but i know for sure that the band is not angsty, and if they are, it's not angsty just for the sake of being angsty. hurrah still for the jaded ones, because they make you appreciate switchfoot more. burn, baby, burn! hahahaha!

what better way to end this by giving my ten favoritest (hehe) switchfoot masterpieces. hahaha. hmmm, mahirap palang i-rank ito! but let me try. sorry, i belong to the younger generation of switchfoot fans (coz i was still in 2nd year high when they started out back in 1997. old love songs and ballads pa trip ko nun! haha!), so most of the songs here are from their more recent albums.

24

Faust, Midas, and Myself

Gone

The Shadow Proves the Sunshine

Easier than Love

Awakening

More than Fine

Meant to Live

This is Your Life

Lonely Nation

 

on no, i cant just do 10! marami pa eh...

 

The Beautiful Letdown

Oh! Gravity

American Dream

Dare You to Move

Golden

Head over Heels

On Fire

Stars

Let Your Love Be Strong

Learning to Breathe

 

so there's my top 20. hahaha! sabi ko na mahina talaga ko sa math e. hehe.

i heard they're already working on their 7th album. galing! will wait for it.

my next review will be about babyface. hahahaha! no, i wont be in his concert. next sana U2, pag nagconcert na sila dito. haha. sana nga no?! it would satisfy the (alternative) rocker in me. hehe.

im trying my best to be optimistic, just for today.
im dragging myself to feel okay, coz i need to get through this day. just this day.
hay. this is taking too much time. everything is taking so much time, energy, and sanity.
i dont feel anything anymore. i dont want to think.

my mp3 player broke down just when i badly needed it.
so goodbye playlist.
il look for something else to keep me sane.

im trying to change the color theme of this blog, but i cant seem to figure it out.
the colors are just too happy for me right now.

haaayyy, sorry. ayokong magpaka-emo pero ganun eh.
i hope to be better by next week.

its a good thing im singing in a gig later.
hope that would make my day.
hehe.

"ds requires new songs to listen to; ds requires a talk with u over beer or coffee or a good chocolate cake. ds requires that i forget why, when, and how ive fallen so bad, and remember who alone can pick me up."
i sent this message to you and to two of our girlfriends. thats when you suggested that i stop being nostalgic about things so i can forget. im trying my best. id like to believe im doing better now. but forgive me for the need to blog about some of it.

 

i thought of compiling all the songs i remember you with then giving you a copy so you can share with what im going through. i felt its just not fair that i remember you with those songs. but i realized there's no point to it. you have your share of pains too. its enough that i trash the songs and forget about them for the meantime. i hope to listen again to them eventually. but i still listen to some of them, for self-preservation. i have a new playlist now.

 

i can listen to songs of grace again. there's just no turning away from it.

 

we talked over pizza, barbeque and margarita. i poured it all out, aware that the alcohol has kicked in because i was able to admit some things which i doubt i can even say if im sober. you listened, you nodded, you agreed. and you reminded me about who i am with - how he has known and loved me through all these years. i realize it more and more now. you told me thru text you love me to death. i love you too. thank you for being a friend to both of us and for loving us this much. i will let you know if i still need my head banged on the wall.

 

i still have my moments, but i find that forgetting is easier when im with you.

 

i just felt my world got smaller. i can't go back to that place anymore. it's sad, because i have learned to be friends with some of the people there, but i know it's one of the consequences i need to deal with. i can't be around you, and this is a fact that will stay with me, hopefully until everything turns out okay. but if it requires forever, then im ready with it. i just can't allow to have all those emotions alive in me again, now that i understand the gravity of everything that was said and done, now that ive started to grasp the meaning of the vow i wish to make. i wish to be faithful. i know you understand. again, i am sorry for everything. i still thank you for how you cared.

 

you can't have it all, indeed. for that i am grateful.

 

"i will cry until remorse washes away the memories, until innocence replaces guilt, until guilt reminds me of grace, and until grace points me back to your love."
this i say to you and to the one who can break that fall.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

But it's not the way
That it has to be
Don't trade our love for tea and sympathy
'Cause it's not the way
That it has to be
                                                        - tea and sympathy, jars of clay

She's been staring down the demons,
Who've been screaming she's just another so and so,
Another so and so

You are golden,
You are golden, Child
You are golden,
Don't let go,
Don't let go tonight
                                             - golden, switchfoot

this is my song to you: 

So many times
When my heart was broken
Visions of you
Would keep me strong
You were with me all along
Guiding my every step
You are all that I am
And I'll never forget

It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed
                                        - you first believed, huko

 

Let your love be strong, and I don't care what goes down
Let your love be strong enough to weather through the thunder cloud
Fury and thunder clap like stealing the fire from your eyes
All of my world hanging on your love
                                                                    - let your love be strong, switchfoot

haaayyy. this song just made me broke down in tears, again:

When it was over and they could talk about it
They were sitting on the couch
She said what on earth made you stay here
When you finally figured out what I was all about
He said I always knew you'd do the right thing
Even though it might take some time
She said, Yeah, I felt that and that's probably what saved my life

Oh love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Make us whole

There is a love that never fails
There is a healing that always prevails
There is a hope that whispers a vow
A promise to stay while we're working it out
So come with your love and wash over us
                                                               - when it was over, sarah groves

Waters rose as my doubts reigned
My sand-castle faith, it slipped away
Found myself standing on your grace
It'd been there all the time

My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace
                                        - shifting sand, caedmon's call

 

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn
                                - you learn, alanis morisette

 

It was a beautiful let down
When I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone unknown and hurt
It was a beautiful let down
The day I knew
That all the riches this world had to offer me
Would never do

We are a beautiful let down,
Painfully uncool,
The church of the dropouts
The losers, the sinners, the failures and the fools
Oh what a beautiful let down
Are we salt in the wound
Let us sing one true tune
                                                - beautiful letdown, switchfoot

 

this aint really my song. but this is for the chick pop-rocker in me, and for the love of kj and avril lavigne. hehehe. pang-videoke to:

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
                                                        - my happy ending, for the love of avril

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i still cry over things. earlier today, i found myself crying again, because you played that song and you whispered "this is what it's all about." and i believe you.

i now understand why they say forgetting is hard. it is indeed. i still have my moments.

i drown myself with music so i can forget. but i still remember.

you told me to avoid being nostalgic so i can forget. and im doing just that.

you asked me a silly question, and i cant hide that crazy grin on my face. i know it hurts to know about how i feel, but you understood. you said you cant give anything more right now, but we'll do what we can to make things better. i agreed. i broke down in tears, again.

i now have a better understanding of the commitment i have with you, and that which im still about to make and profess.

 

i screwed up, big time. and just when i thought im ready to walk away, to get up and put all the pieces back together, i mess up... again.

 

 

 

i guess im the bitch.

 

 

iamsosorry.